The Buzz

The thing you should keep in mind is this : I am not an aggressive kind of girl.

Take a note on that. In bold.

I rarely make a move, I waited. I never like the idea of chasing, cause I just wait for the guy to make a move. It’s safe to say that I like being chased. I’m just playing it cool. But don’t confuse me with being awkward or introverted. No. I’m just being myself, I avoid heartbreak, expectations and all those things that lifted my hopes high above the clouds. Well obviously, I might have expectations BUT I always tried to keep one foot on the ground.

Practically, I am just talking to myself right now. I’m trying to remind myself that I am not aggressive. I waited. I know it seemed very hard, this two thumbs have been dancing around, trying to touch those keyboard on screen. But then I put my phone down whilst making a ‘click’ sound with my pointer, locking the phone. I know I should play it cool.

Okay, breathe.

Tonight was impeccable, everything turned out to be great. I remembered I could not look away, I dared myself not to look coy because I always have, in every first meeting. I kept clutching my knuckles every single time, I tilted my head and nodded in agreement while he talked. His words came in and out of my mind without the need to be taken in. Because honestly, I was just blatantly staring at him.

He was so fine. I love how the corner of his eyes crooked every time he smiled. How his eyes wandered when he talk, how–

Okay. Forget everything I said, I’m gonna make a move right now. Probably just saying it was great to meet him and thank him for the coffee. Or perhaps, tell him it was the greatest night ever. Or just tell him I like spending time with him. Yep. That’s it.

Hey, I had a great time. thanks for the coffee!

Without further ado followed by a thumping heart, I hit send. “Too much modesty will get you nowhere” they said. So yeah, in this case, I am not being modest.

It’s been 1 hour after we said goodbye, he must have been driving. He’d probably going to reply in 10-15 minutes. He’ll reply, I am so sure of it. It’s just a simple message, he might be replying with “I had a good time too” or maybe “Yes I had a good time too, aren’t you driving now?” That, if he’s being concerned. I put my phone down and sit in silence. Still in the parking lot, breathing, looking at the digital clock on the dashboard. It’s 9:50 PM. I looked on my phone again, and switching it to silent. You know what, switching my phone to silent is a kind of treatment that I always do to myself to reduce my anxiety, since I don’t need to be surprised when the notification beeped. By that I mean, I can still play it cool. I could focus on anything else, while waiting for his reply. So when i press the home button with a notification from him, I can be like “oh he replied”.

I put on my seat belt and start the engine. Let’s just go and reminiscing this impeccable first meeting all the way home, think about happy thoughts and how fun would it be if I could chat with him till morning.

I checked on my phone every time the traffic light flashed red, since there’s no traffic. Texting while driving is not my thing. It has been 15 minutes since I pressed send, and still, no answer. Maybe he’s going to reply any second now, maybe it’s going to flashed on the screen if you pay more attention to your phone. But I can’t, I need to drive. The thing that I could do is to set my phone on vibrate and put it on my lap, maybe that would be more interesting when he finally replied back.

Still waiting, there are only 2 more traffic lights to go before I arrived home. No sign of buzz or what not. It’s now 11:50 PM.

I think my phone decided not to send text anymore, maybe I’m out of phone credits, or maybe he ran out of battery. Sigh. Or maybe he’s still driving. He doesn’t do text and drive. He might be a careful person. Yep. I might’ve just waited for his reply when I got home.

The moment I drive into my garage, I could only breathe in silence. I regret everything. I regret this meeting. I regret sending ‘thank you’ text. I could have just told him in person, why should I text? What am I thinking? It’s just a meeting, it doesn’t mean anything, he did tell me lots of stories but it might just because he likes sharing stories to people in GENERAL, or he probably a talkative person. I regret everything, I should just delete his number, or erase him from my memory.

Buzz

FINALLY. My phone vibrated.

It freaking vibrated. I am not hallucinating, yes.

We could finally talk again, we’re on this.

Yep, I’m sure of it.

Are you going to tomorrow’s lecture?

False alarm. Nope, just a text message from my classmate. Not the desired response. I might be boring, yes, he doesn’t like me. I think I need time to process everything, I need some time to accept that he just not going to write back. Just like what I’ve told you, I’m not an aggressive girl, so I shouldn’t try to be one. I should have just waited.

I pulled on my blanket with a mind that rambles between two options, to sleep it all in or just to wait for his response–until I fall asleep.

But I can’t. I can only sleep in peace after he replied!

For the last straw, if the clock strikes 1 and there’s still no reply. I better just move on. Tonight was nothing. It doesn’t mean anything. Just. A meeting. So once again, I’m over it. I’m not an aggressive girl. He doesn’t like me. Today was nothing, and I am sulking for a reply message like an idiot.

Goodnight crazy world.

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Buzz

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Wait what?

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You’re welcome! Have a good night 🙂

Wow. Finally.

A text back.

Right when I thought I would have a profound statement of ‘Today was nothing’. After two hours of sulking for a text message.

Back to my statement, I am not an aggressive girl, I will play it cool. By that I mean, I must wait for another two hours to reply back. Or maybe, I just call it a night and sleep it off until tomorrow.

(switching off phone)

And that, my friend, what you called as The stages of waiting for a reply text from your crush.