Unplanned

One of the hardest thing to deal with is when something you’ve fantasized or secretly wished had come true–on a bad timing. I mean, well yeah i thank god for making it came true but the timing have got me questioning on what exactly i should do with this granted wish. Should i just be happy and cherish this temporary moment?should i just pretend like this is not happening? Or maybe .. Is this a false alarm?

There have been some kind of a spring and summer-like season inside of this chilly & frozen chest, if you’re curios. It left me floating like a sweet scoop of vanilla ice cream, it left me wanting to re-watch my favorite drama scene. It’s surreal, but it is not supposed to happen now.

“Can’t remember the last time we’re here,”

Oh boy, of course i do remember. The last time we’re here, we ordered milkshake that cost only $5. You paid our dinner, cause you finally got your first part time job. You wore our college hoodie just because you were so proud of your achievement.

I remembered how you promised yourself to start saving up for your dream Maldives vacation.

“6 years ago, our first year of college”, but that’s the only thing that i could say.

“Holy!! What? Six years?? It can’t be that long? Time flies!”, his brown eyes lit up whenever he’s surprised and so as his ear that turned pink.

“You always got lost in the track of time, i bet you can’t even remember birthdays”

“Hey that’s an exception!”

“Oh really?”

“How could i not remember birthdays? I sent you e-cards every time!”

“Goes straight to my Spam folder”

“Naaah! Course not! I know you..”

“What?”, i snapped.

“What do you mean what?”

“You said you know me”

“Oh don’t start me on that..”

 How i wished i could read his mind in between the blink of his eyes as he stares at me. What are his wish, was it the same as mine? Does he also have this summery-spring-like season inside of his chest? 

Nine years ago, we held hands for the first time. Nine years ago was our very first of everything. We watch closely how each other grow, how our surroundings shaped us who we are now, how our dreams differ from each other but practically made up by the same particles. 

Six years ago, he decided to find his own spotlight. Just like a typical twenty something, he caught up with his mundane life and wanted to find another dream, another exciting new things. I let him be, but he didn’t let me. 

Because it was six years ago, when i left the scoop of vanilla ice cream melted on top of my strawberry milkshake. I remembered how he held my hands throughout the conversation, and i was there crying my heart out every time he said sorry.

The memory crushed me whenever it passes by. It shattered on my mind like a piece of broken glass, which left a permanent frozen-winter season throughout the year. And I long for his warmth eversince, though i knew he has shared his warmth with those list of names that came through right after me. I secretly wished he’ll change his mind, go back to the very first name on the list and come home.

My knees weakened as he slowly grab my hands and pulled it closer to the front of his lips. I tried to pull back cause i still finds it’s too soon.

“Hey, I know this might be too late–”

“Oh please not again..”

“No please, listen..”

A bad timing is nobody’s favorite. But sometimes it’s God’s way to help you out and teach you private lessons in life. 

“I know we’ve closed the book already. But we never grow apart. I still care–”

“Stop..i don’t want to hear it for the second time”

“No.. No please dont take this the wrong way, this is the best way for us.. You know–”

“There’s nothing between us anymore. We’re best friends, and you shouldn’t ask for my blessings for anything you’ve chosen in life”

He let go of his grip and leaned on his seat, whilst exhaling a deep breath.

“Well then. Case closed. I’ve been wanting to meet you, Al. It’s been ages since we shared everything together. But well, timing’s a bitch–”

“I’ve had my fair share of take care and goodbyes. Enough is enough”, 

He stares at me as my words stabbed him right on the target. I wasn’t supposed to say those words, but the heart speak itself and i did not regret it.

“Right. I get your point. Alright, i’ll drop the ball then–”

“Don’t worry. Of course i’ll be there. Sunday. The 19th?”

“Wait what? How did you know..”

“Your mom. My mom. The news been buzzin’ in the speed of light”

One of the hardest thing to deal with is actually being secretly in love with your best friend. Additionally, in a bad timing. Well, always in a bad timing.

I have wished someday i met him again at our favorite place. 

I have wished someday, we can connect with each other again.

Though we are here together now, i never wished this will be last time. And closing the book, again.

“Anyway, congrats for making your way off the market!”, 

And that, marked as the hardest thing to say when you’re secretly in love with your best friend.